Coal

You’d never know what its like to feel cold in a tropical climate. I’m freezing, I showered for nearly over an hour and whilst there felt every bone in my body aching then becoming numb. I came out and landed myself onto my bed. Naked as I’d been born. Only cold inside of the room. Me,my heart and my memories. Memories whipped my body like lashes Christ endured. I felt hurt and ashamed, twice more than before, than ever. I have never felt so tired. It feels like my forehead had been bitten and I am bleeding out of my temples and my eyes. Blood covering my face and my leaking into my mouth. This once glory road that I had been trodding is now a black and blue foot. I have baby hair slicked to my forehead that once was too little to be seen. But I’ve become a child because I have been weeping. Weeping because I am lost, weeping because I am lonely, weeping because my best friend has been taken away from me. I have the bruises too, of a child. One who has laughed and played way too much on the playground. Woman in me is disgruntled, woman in me is mystified. No one around me can decipher my emotion. I’ve been busy. I’ve been re-cooperating my demeanour. If you strummed me I would not play music, I would be hollow and wounded, I may burst the skin on your fingers. I am crying at night far louder than a wolf fleeting for her mate who’d been slain by hunters. My eyes have never been so red. My voice has never been so dreary. You saw my faith but you needed proof, you saw me bathing on the roof, the moonlight and my beauty overthrew you. I had not once betrayed your belief in me. What I did was I confided. In you. I saw you far beyond what any woman may see. But what that did was break me. Far too much logic entered our secrecy. Our world. Our love making. In our deepened bond, what no man on earth can feel if he were you or I. Like I, cannot feel with no other man on earth. Hallelujah. Broken woman. I’d go out and a horse and still not feel liberated. I would eat peaches and still not feel sweet. Your arms fitted my body frame and embraced my fire. That fire that burned with the looks from your face. That fire that ignited dangerously when you kissed me. A fire that kept burning when I cried, when I fumbled and when I mistook. Now, I am coal. I am cold. Dust and dirty and folded to sand. A downfall. My flame lit when we first met. I am a broken woman now. I cannot light another fire. 

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