I Dont Think I Dont Know Anymore

You have to be in a mood to answer certain things. Other times you have to be in a mood to think at all. Its not even a matter of being caught off-guard or too tired. Maybe perhaps it is being too tired to actually spend time pondering over yourself and what the hell is going on with your life. “What am I even doing?”. Those days. And those questions. “What makes you happy?” “What’s going on?” I had a conversation with a friend recently who seemed really concerned about my well being. So I decided to be completely and … Continue reading I Dont Think I Dont Know Anymore

Edits

Originally posted on CrossKnit:
I am dismantling myself, one individuality at a time. I start from the top. My hair is still shorter than society likes.  I have no time to grow it out, but the platinum blonde bob with all its two-tone glory has been replaced by a neutral ginger. My three-in-the-left-ear-two-in-the-right hoops are gone. Tiny diamond studs hold the places I chose to mark life events; law school, marriage, getting out of that abusive relationship that people still don’t know I was in. My ears itch and ache because I had to gauge up to find barbells short enough to look like ordinary earrings.… Continue reading Edits

Less Human More Human

Love is a freedom. A commitment to a eternal compromise. A promise to be free from spite and hatred. God, the father, his image reflection in us. To be like him and not liked by him but loved by him. Loved by each other not controlled over one another. Selfless favors and complete devours of spirituality. The more spirit the less body. The less body the less intentions the less death, the less likely beastly behavior, the less behaviour the more freedom, the more freedom the more surprise, more surprise more chance more chance for life, length and breadth and … Continue reading Less Human More Human

Eventually.

I’ll get out. Everything seems easier said than done when its an easy decision, a clean cut precision almost like a vision the future for a moment seems like it can be told. But when you’re trapped in your mind, you’re blind, deaf, dumb and numb to everything except pain. For the first time optimism drives you insane. You give 150% to the universe to gain zero. You troubled mind is your own hero, you’re surviving a matrix you’re neo. Reality is not your friend nor your foe, its only there to let you know that everything can disappear, from … Continue reading Eventually.

Seriously

I wasn’t kidding. I actually have this craving to envelop in conversation about the deepest things in my mind. Things that seem so hidden I have to speak slowly because they seem sacred. Its like bearing a child; almost painful. These things do not reflect in how I write. Or do they? Good Morning. Continue reading Seriously

Billions

You’re not “alone” when you’re depressed. You’re never the only person depressed. Its controllable depending on whether you feed or starve it. Like a wolf inside you really. Its only human to fall to do either. When its inevitable that’s when you can tell its detrimental to your health and life but as a human there’s always a way to fight through what you’ve been through to go through what you need to. You are not your consequences if they trouble your soul. Become the consequences that make you want to prosper. I read once that ” Human beings are … Continue reading Billions

Frustrated.

Darling, my frustration hurts me most. There’s nothing more painful than feeling my fire burning out. When I am out of wick, out of fuel and out of lane. It hurts to know you don’t know me But it is fulfilling that you love me, despite. I will stay with you when you break my heart I trust that you will kiss me and mend it. We will pray together, evil seems to be everywhere I will take you anywhere, trust that I will be loyal You are the first to love my worst, and I, the same You will … Continue reading Frustrated.